Only Mortal
by Machinesister
Summary: Kakuzu dislikes his new partner, though he proves useful in battle. But when he is informed of the tremendous bounty on Hidan's head, Kakuzu faces a decision that is more difficult than he originally thought. KakuHidan.
1. Chapter One: Two Confrontations

**Chapter One: Two Confrontations**

_Kakuzu_

"You can't keep killing your partners, Kakuzu. Replacements are hard to find, and it impedes completion of the organization's goals," said Pain's hologram, flickering slightly with his speech. I had been called into an emergency Akatsuki meeting, as once again I was to be assigned a replacement for a partner I had killed in cold rage.

"They should know better than to tick me off," I answered, looking into Pain's hollow grey eyes. "If they can't realize that, it's their loss."

Pain looked at me with an unreadable expression. "Nevertheless, two-man teams are assigned because they maximize efficiency during the capture of the tailed beasts. Your constant murder of your assigned partners is unsustainable, not only for the secrecy of the organization, but also for the cost." A bigger flicker. "Therefore, I will assign our new recruit, Hidan as your new partner."

Hidan was the newest member we had in our ranks - the brat had shown up barely a week ago, insisting that this organization was perfect for his religious needs. Handsome, silver-haired and young, he was nevertheless foul-mouthed, brash and sarcastic. He claimed to be of a religion called Jashin, whose tenets denounced anything short of utter destruction in battle a sin. All in all, it was a rather flimsy pretext to cause destruction. But the pious man held onto his religion like it was everything.

"So...I'm gonna be partners with this decrepit old fuck, eh?" Hidan's hologram sneered. So much for a self-proclaimed man of god. He could insult me however he liked, but even so, from the start I knew that our goals were incompatible. He seemed beyond the influence of money, the only thing that could be depended on in this forsaken world. People died, friends betrayed, villagers bit the hands that fed. But money was forever.

"Whatever. As long as he doesn't slow me down," I said. At least I wouldn't have to look for him - he already knew my physical location in the no-man's land between Fire and Lightning Country, and was probably somewhere near where I actually was.

Pain dismissed us. I stopped my projection jutsu and looked around me. I had parked myself in a hidden clearing amongst some rocks, where it would have been extremely difficult for intruders to locate me. But speaking of intruders...

"Oi, Kakuzu!" Hidan called out, as he waded towards me through the surrounding shrubs. He was carrying a large red three-bladed scythe on his back, its cables extending into his sleeves. The silver-haired brat had managed to find me, even in my carefully concealed location. "Let's get this show on the road and finish our assignments already!"

I narrowed my eyes. "Do you even know what our assignment is?"

Hidan smirked. "Heh, well no...I was hoping you could tell me?"

I reached into my sleeve for my copy of the Akatsuki's assignment roster and tossed it at him.

"What's this?" Hidan said, as he started reading. "Jinchuuriki, eh?"

"Yeah," I replied. "Our assignment is the Two-Tails and the Nine-Tails. The jinchuuriki need to be captured alive in order for the bijuu to be extracted."

Hidan spat in displeasure. "Live capture? Man, what a pain in the ass. Jashin would fucking smite me for anything less than a kill. Now I gotta pray twice as much for his forgiveness now!"

This annoyed me to no end. What a pointless endeavour.

"Forget about that. Our next target is in Lightning Country, specifically, in Kumogakure. As the crow flies, it's 1884.23 kilometers from our location here to its center."

Hidan made a grunt of acknowledgment.

"Of course, our route requires we travel a longer distance than that." I pulled out my copy of the world map. "Come here. Have a look at this." I placed my finger on our mapped destination, beckoning to Hidan with my other hand.

"Yeah, yeah," said Hidan, bending over and skimming over the map. "I know. Now let's go. I haven't had a kill in three days, my blood is fucking singing!"

"Whatever," I muttered as we set off northwards, through the shrubbery into the forest.

The landscape was fairly unimpressive. We were surrounded by trees, although the ground at our feet was bare. I could see the shadows falling across Hidan's face as we walked beneath the shade of the leaves. At least the weather was good today. The sky was clear and the sun was mild; neither too hot nor too cold.

"Hey, Kakuzu." said Hidan. "What purpose do you serve when you slaughter people?"

"Resources," I replied without looking at him. "I kill entries in the bingo book to obtain the bounty that's been placed on their heads. The bigger, the better."

Hidan made a sound of derision. "Tch, what a materialistic pursuit. Money doesn't last forever, you know. You know what lasts forever?" He paused, and I could hear the smile in his voice. "The grace and glory of Jashin. You should probably think about converting sometime. Jashin-sama would love a follower like you."

The grace and glory of Jashin? How ridiculous. "What a crock of shit," I growl. "Money may not last forever, but at least it is dependable when in one's possession. Your futile zealotry serves no purpose at all besides being an elaborate waste of time. In the end even faith erodes. Jashin? What an utterly stupid delusion - "

Chink. The sound of metal caused me to look at Hidan, who was livid now. "Don't you _dare _insult Jashin-sama like that, you old fucking miser!" Hidan shouted, brandishing his scythe. "You, you fucking materialistic, unenlightened geezer, what the hell do you know about divine purpose? Fuck you!"

The god-damned little fucker. Unenlightened. _Unenlightened._ This kid was, what, a quarter of my age?

My head was swimming. My hands shook from rage. And now, pointing his scythe at me? DIE -

My forearms detached from my elbows just as Hidan was about to take a swing at me, and rammed straight into Hidan's neck. I could feel his pulse, hot and fluid, as I wrapped my hands around his neck and lifted his body off the ground.

"What - " Hidan's lavender eyes widened in disbelief.

_Crunch._ I squeezed until I could feel the arteries pop; feel the vertebrae buckle underneath my fingers. Hidan's head drooped to his chest. His body went limp as his scythe fell to the the ground with a clatter. So much for my new partner.

I hurled his limp body at a nearby tree, and released my grip on him, reattaching my forearms to my body. My head was clearer now...but I supposed I'd be in for another round of admonishment by Pain again. Still, it was good to have silence for a while. I started my way north again, marveling at the lack of inane preaching next to me.

"Awww man, what the fuck is your problem?" I started at the voice behind me. Hidan? I thought I'd killed him. I turned around. To my surprise, Hidan was on his feet again. His head now lay on his left shoulder, limp but balanced on his collarbone by his left hand. He groaned. "Sweet Jashin this hurts. Eat a dick, Kakuzu!"

"Still alive, huh." I watched as Hidan bend over to pick up his scythe, still holding his head in place.

"No shit," spat Hidan.

"Well, you won't be much use now, what with your broken neck and all," I turned away and continued on my path.

"Hey hey hey, wait for me, Kakuzu! I gotta - " I heard a dull crunch behind me. " - there. Oi, fucking wait for me, you bastard!" I heard his hurried footsteps catch up with me. I looked at him, masking my surprise at how quickly his head was back in position again.

I was sure I had broken his windpipe and snapped his neck completely. So how - ?

"Behold, the power of Jashin!" said Hidan triumphantly. "Thanks to his grace, I''m fucking immortal! You greedy old bastard can't kill me at all!"

So this was why Pain made him my new partner. Looks like I'm stuck with this durable, irritating brat for a while. How perfectly annoying. Although...I could see his money-making potential. At this rate, I could cash in on his unique abilities.

"Whatever. My previous statement still stands," I said, as we carried on walking.

"Tch. And so does mine." said Hidan.

* * *

Hidan was talking less as we travelled at a steady pace towards Lightning Country. This pleased me; if I could not kill the man, at least I could shut him up for a while. Silent Hidan was definitely more bearable than proselytizing Hidan. Steadily, we neared the border between this country and the next. Soon, we had reached a clearing in the woods.

A rustle of leaves in front of us caught my attention. "Hidan, wait." I stopped him with my arm.

Two shinobi emerged from the thickets that lined our path. One was tall, blonde-haired and carried a coil of thick metal cable on his back. The other was slightly shorter, and rested a large broadsword on his shoulder. The blonde-haired shinobi looked oddly familiar, but I would need to know his name to be sure...

"You've reached the South-South-Western Gate of this country's borders," said the blonde ninja. "Who are you and what is your pur - " The blonde paused, as though he had just noticed our strange appearance.

"Do you recognize these people, Ichiro?" said the brunette to his partner. There was no mistaking it now - the blonde one was Tobikuma Ichiro of no-man's land, a Gatekeeper famed for his effective border control of the country adjacent to Lightning. The same Ichiro who had 20 million ryo on his head. What a fortunate coincidence.

Ichiro studied us carefully. His eyes drifted from our forehead protectors to our black cloaks, and widened in surprise. "The cloaks...the struck out forehead protectors...Kaito - they're Akatsuki!"

Kaito, presumably the brunette, gripped his broadsword in fear. "Akatsuki?"

It was clear that Kaito was Ichiro's inferior in experience and prowess. That meant that I could go for Ichiro without having to dispatch him first. Unless Hidan had other plans for him.

"Damn right we are," said Hidan, licking his lips as he drew his scythe. "Now...which one of you will be my first offering?"

Fucking stupid Hidan and his religion. I didn't want to know what his "offering" entailed.

Ichiro reached behind him and pulled out a length of the cable on his back. "You Akatsuki are not permitted to pass this border's gate. I, Tobikuma Ichrio, will see to that!" he said fiercely.

Looks like the 20 million ryo isn't going to go down without a fight...I suppose I'd humour him.

"Oh, a voluntary sacrifice?" smirked Hidan, steadying his grip on his scythe. "Well, guess I'd better oblige..."

Kachink! The swipe of Hidan's scythe was met by Kaito's sword, which had swooped in in front of Ichiro to parry the blow.

"Ichiro, step back!"

Ichiro hurled his cable forward with a yell. It's aimed at me? What a useless move. I hardened my skin before the cable struck, coiling itself around me in tight metallic circles. I detached my left arm and sent it hurtling towards Ichiro, grabbing him by the neck.

"Shi - " Ichiro rasped. He lifted his hand to form a seal. Like I would let that happen.

"Raiton: Raitachi*!" he yelled, just as I sent another array of threads after his hands. It was too late. A piercing crackle arose from his left hand, which he used to sever my threads in an instant.

Now freed, Ichiro formed his seals at lightning speed. "Oroshi no Jutsu*!"

I manage to solidify my body with the Earth Spear technique again before thousands of rapier-sharp blades extended from the metal cables wrapped around me. Even so, the cables were coiled so tightly around my body that I could feel the blades pressing dully on my skin.

Ichiro frowned. "Why isn't my technique working?"

"My body solidifying technique is called Earth Spear," I said, forming seals with my remaining hand. "No physical attacks can harm me."

Next to me, I could hear the clinking of Hidan and Kaito's dueling, along with Hidan's maniacal laughter. "Jashin-sama's will will be done upon you, you dirty atheists!" He must have been enjoying it...too bad I was putting an end to this soon. I detached my right arm.

"Katon: Zukkoku!" The fireball formed in my mouth before I had barely finished forming the seals. My mask fell to my chin as I spat out the quickly expanding fireball.

"Suiton: Ame no Hei*!" said Ichiro. A vast envelope of water rose from the ground and blocked him and Kaito from my view. My fireball engulfed the section of forest in front of me, including Hidan, in a searing hot blaze but was blocked by Ichiro's technique.

"...Dammit Kakuzu, that hurt!" yelled Hidan, as the smoke and water cleared away to reveal my partner covered in soot and burns and the other team wet but unharmed. He seemed annoyed, but still alive. This was good, I could go all-out with my techniques without worrying about Hidan getting killed while in the midst of my attacks.

"Hinoko no Mai*!" shouted Kaito, charging at Hidan with surprising speed and unpredictability.

"All right!" roared Hidan, parrying Kaito's swordplay stroke by stroke, although he did not launch any auxiliary attacks at his opponent. The cocky bastard wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but he seemed quite flexible in hand-to-hand combat, even able to defend against Kaito's highly acrobatic moves without breaking a sweat. But I couldn't just stand and watch them...I had my own bounty to take care of. I ran one of my threads towards my opponent, disguising it underneath the metal cable.

Ichiro smiled. "I've got you just where I want you," he said, and pulled the remaining length of cable from his back, clutching it in his hands. He pulled it tighter.

"Raiton: Raika no Ju - aargh!" I felt a slight jolt of electricity surging through the cables that bound me, as the thread I had previously sent to Ichiro wrapped around his leg and sent him tripping, face down, into the wet ground, losing his grip on his cable. If I hadn't tripped him and stopped him from finishing his technique, I probably would have felt more than a slight jolt of electricity.

I looked down. The cables binding me were controlled by Ichiro's chakra, which meant I would have to kill him before I could escape from them. But this was getting tedious. I'd better do it fast.

A series of mocking laughter emanated from Hidan. "Let the ceremony begin," he said gleefully. I looked in his direction and was surprised to see that his skin, even charred, was jet black, with white markings outlining where his bones should be. A few drops of blood hung on his bottom lip. He was standing in a symbol that resembled the pendant on his rosary, except it was drawn on the ground in blood. He drew a pike from the sleeve of his cloak. Kaito's expression hardened despite the newly-acquired cut on his cheek.

Ignoring him, I formed the hand-seals of my previous technique once again, as Ichiro struggled against my threads to raise himself from the ground and take up the cable again. Not a chance. "Zukkoku!"

"Ame no Hei!"

Perfect. The fireball, still expanding, rose toward the towering envelope of water Ichiro had managed to summon. Now...

"Raiton: Gian!" The electricity crackled around my right hand, and quickly grew to a massive torrent of lightning, which I hurled straight into Ichiro's wall of water.

The lightning connected with the water and created a great, screaming shock of electricity, blowing the trees in front of us away with its massive force.

When the water fell and the lightning dissipated, Ichiro and Kaito were lying, face-down, on the ground before Hidan and me. The cables around me loosened. I tossed them aside and walked over to where Ichiro lay. He was still breathing. I looked over to his partner, who was stirring slightly.

"Kakuzu!" an angry yell sounded behind me. "You bastard! Did you just kill my sacrifice?"

"No," I replied. "Take a closer look."

"Heh." Hidan stepped back and surveyed Kaito's crumpled form, shaking as it struggled to get up from the ground.

"Ichiro...are...are you...alright..."

The body below me moved to lift his blonde head off the ground. "Y - yeah...I - "

Then his gaze met mine, and he froze. "We're finished." I said, lifting my foot and bringing it crashing down onto his spine.

I looked down at Ichiro's broken body, and then at Hidan, who was watching Kaito with an amused expression on his face. Kaito had not been hit point-blank with my technique, and it seemed like Kaito was slightly more resilient, as he was standing now, holding his blade in front of him, though he looked exhausted.

Hidan laughed sadistically, a crazed look in his eyes. "It's the end of the line for you!" he shouted.

I watched as Hidan stripped the top half of his body, exposing his broad back, his muscular arms and the white markings running down the center of all of them. My eyes narrowed at the shifting muscle as Hidan rolled his shoulders and jeered to determined-looking Kaito, "Now, you fucking pagan, take a good look at yourself..."

Hidan drew his pike, and pressed it into his chest, deep enough to draw blood. "Argh!" Kaito fell to his knees. His broadsword fell to the ground as he clutched his chest, panting.

"Feels fantastic, doesn't it?" Hidan groaned in ecstasy. A throaty sigh of pleasure emanated from his lips as he tightened his grip on the pike buried quarterway in his chest, dragging it in a bloody, agonizing trail in his flesh to form the words _I am Jashin-sama's Bitch_.

"WELL? DOESN'T IT?"

Kaito's eyes widened in pain as the blood seeped through his vest, oozing to mirror the exact message carved on Hidan's chest. _I am Jashin-sama's Bitch._

"That's right," chuckled Hidan darkly, tracing the crimson words with the tip of his pike.

"You...you won't get past...here..." strained Kaito, and started reaching out to pick up his sword...

Hidan plunged the pike into his own heart. "Ohhhh god..." his purple eyes rolled back into his head as his entire body shook with pleasure. His knees buckled, and his body descended, backwards, so that he lay, face up, inside his symbol, pike still jutting from his ribs.

"Guh!" Bloody froth gushed from Kaito's mouth, as he collapsed, face-forwards, into the dust.

Hidan smiled indolently and closed his eyes, mouthing soundless words as he reached up to clutch his rosary. The black and white pigmentation on him faded to his normal skin-colour, though the words he carved into his skin still remained. I walked over to the spot where my severed hand lay and picked it up, reattaching its threads to my body. Then I sent it to where Ichiro was, grabbing him by the scruff of his neck and slinging his body over my back.

"Come on, Hidan." I said to my partner, who was still lying on the ground. He ignored me.

"Hidan! Hurry up!"

Hidan stopped mouthing words and opened his eyes, rising to his feet and pulling the pike out from his heart.

"Man...don't you get it? This is important!" Hidan complained, as he put away his pike and collected his scythe. "Killing is a really spiritual experience between a man and Jashin-sama. You can't just half-ass it! Do you have any idea how Jashin will smite me if I fuck up the ceremonial procedures just like that?"

This talk again. At least his religion made him a suitable partner for my fighting style. And for stress relief.

"Forget it. Let's go." I said, as we passed through the border.

_________________

**Glossary**

Raitachi - Lightning Sword

Oroshi - Grater

Ame no Hei - Wall of Rain

Hinoko no Mai - Spark Dance

**End of Chapter 1**


	2. Chapter Two: An Exchange of Words

**Chapter Two: An Exchange of Words**

_Hidan_**  
**

Fuck it, I stank.

The smell of blood and sweat from my last battle clung to my pores like horse glue. This was my least favourite part of killing - the blood was congealing on my cloak, and my armpits reeked. I gotta wash this shit off, this dirty feeling was unbearable.

I followed Kakuzu through the woods as we entered the country adjacent to Lightning. I had no idea why he was dragging that Ichiro's corpse along with him like a ragdoll. Then again, I didn't know much about him, other than the news I'd heard about him that made me seek him out in the first place.

The rumours were that Kakuzu was nigh immortal and fearsomely powerful, stealing his opponents' hearts to use as his own. What they'd neglected to mention was that he was also a shitty, bad-tempered, freaky old man. I suppose the stitches running all over his tanned body and his short temper weren't so much a surprise as his unnatural love for money and weird mannerisms. Not to mention his complete disregard for the will of Jashin-sama.

Still. One had to make some sacrifices when considering the greater good of destruction and slaughter. From what I've heard, Kakuzu's life-extending jutsus were pretty damn impressive, especially since he used it to carry four more hearts around with him. Guess I didn't get to see it during the last battle because those guys were so weak even I barely broke a sweat.

The woods thinned to reveal a small, old-fashioned village littered with thatched-roof houses and quaint traditional tea shops. Don't tell me this was another tourist village. I fucking hated these complacent establishments, their pacifist ways irritated me. So fucking _peaceful_. Ugh, it made me sick. They were lucky we were just passing through...these people didn't deserve to live.

"Oi, Kakuzu," I said, looking at the sky. "The sun's almost gone. Let's park off somewhere in this shithole for the night. I fucking stink!"

"Mmm," said Kakuzu, nodding slightly. We entered the village and stepped through the emptying streets, surveying the various inns that lined our path.

I watched Kakuzu as he scanned the guesthouses for a place for us to stay. We walked past colourful buildings decorated with signboards and advertisements for their prices and special features. I really could care less about cable television and hot saunas. I just needed somewhere with a fucking bath so I could clean myself of this unholy stench.

Kakuzu stopped. "This one will do," he said, cocking his head at a dilapidated shack in the shadows.

Alright, I may not have cared where we stayed, but even _I_ drew the line at crumbling shitheaps like the one that stood before us.

"Kakuzu, are you out of your mind?!" I said in disbelief. "That place is a fucking dump! Like hell am I going to sleep there. Why the fuck are we staying there, of all places?"

Kakuzu pointed at the peeling sign on the roof of the shack, with its daily prices underlined. "It's economical. It will save us money so we can preserve as much of our allowance as possible."

100 ryo a night. A dirt cheap price for a dirt cheap dwelling. I did not even want to think about what disgusting horrors lay within. "Man, fuck that shit. I'm not going in there!" I complained.

Kakuzu cocked an eyebrow at me. "You can pay for a better inn if you want to. No one's stopping you."

It was then that I suddenly realized that I had absolutely fuck-all money on me. I had spent it all without a second thought; material things were pretty meaningless and fleeting to me. I couldn't be assed to be tied down by things like cash.

"I spent it all," I protested. "I'm flat broke!"

"Then you don't have much of a choice, do you?" said Kakuzu, walking towards the inn. I trailed behind him unhappily.

"Tch. Miser."

______________

Cobwebs dangled in my face as Kakuzu and I entered the glorified shack. A bare yellow bulb lit the lobby and displayed its contents in all it's shitty glory. Kakuzu approached the counter, where a middle-aged man sat, eyes wide in fear at our arrival.

"Hey, old man. It's rude to stare, you know," I said disgruntledly. Sweat was starting to drip from the man's brows. Jeez. Bit of an overreaction to some members of the world's most famous criminal organization.

"Who are you, and what do you want?" demanded the man anxiously.

"We need a room for the night," said Kakuzu, seemingly unperturbed by the man's reaction. "What are our options?"

"R - right," said the man, hurriedly flipping through the brochure on his desk. "Well, seeing as you're - " he paused and looked over Kakuzu's shoulder, " - three people..." Kakuzu interrupted him.

"Two," he said, irritated. "This one is luggage." He gave Ichiro's corpse a careless tug.

"I see." said the man nervously. "Well...we've got a deluxe room with two single beds and a fully equipped, en-suite bathroom for 150 ryo - "

"Deluxe?" I sneered. "Shit, you're giving this place waayyy too much credit. Come on, Kakuzu, let's just take it and get in already."

Kakuzu's eyes narrowed and he ignored me. The man swallowed, then continued, "We've also got a room with one double bed and an en-suite barebones bathroom with a shower and just the essentials for 100 ryo."

"We'll take that room," said Kakuzu, reaching into his sleeve for the amount. Wait, what?

"Kakuzu! There's no way I'm sharing a bed with - "

"Shut it, Hidan." growled Kakuzu, as he handed the man the money and got our room's keys in return.

"It's just down the passageway and to your left, sir," said the counter man, pointing across the lobby.

We left the counter to retire to our room. Kakuzu was such a fucking miser. I bet if there were a room with a single bed that went for cheaper, he'd take it instead of this one.

The room was pretty bare. Green wallpaper hung in tatters from the mouldy walls. True to its description, a double bed lay against one of them, furnished with a blanket and two pillows. Opposite the bed was a wooden door. A dingy, dust-covered window let in the dim twilight from outside. Kakuzu lay Ichiro's body down by the foot of the bed, and started taking off his sandals.

"I'm going to go take a friggin' shower," I said to him. I opened the wooden door, switched on the light and looked inside. This bathroom seemed to have gone unused for ages. At least it was clean.

The last image I saw of Kakuzu as I shut the bathroom door was of him taking off his forehead-protector and tossing it on the floor beside him.

______

This place sucks. They didn't even bother hanging out towels for the travellers. I stepped out of the bathroom in my pants, still dripping, and was greeted with the sight of Kakuzu reclined on the bed, sleeves rolled back and propped against the wall.

So this was what he looked like without the mask. His tanned, muscular arms were riddled with stitches; oddly symmetric where they were visible. They even ran across his face, splitting his mouth from ear to ear. Brown-black hair hung to his shoulders and framed his face as he was bent over a book in his hands. Huh. Could be worse.

I guessed I'd been staring, because Kakuzu took his eyes off the book to look at me. "I take it you're done," he said.

"Yeah," I said. "God, you won't even begin to imagine how great it feels is finally get all this frigging blood and shit off me. Could have at least given us a couple of towels though..." I raked a hand through my wet hair, slicking it back with the water. Strangely, I could feel Kakuzu's eyes on me, watching; surveying me intently. Was something wrong?

"You've still got that wound," said Kakuzu suddenly.

I laughed.

"What, this one?" I snickered, motioning to the gash on my hip. "Or maybe these?" I jabbed a finger at the carved letters on my chest. "Or maybe even - "

Kakuzu cut me off. "The one through your heart."

"Well shit, did you think it was a rare occurrence, for someone who kills their victims by stabbing himself?" I said, walking over to the other side of the bed. "Dude. I'm friggin' immortal. The wound will be gone by tomorrow morning, jeez. You don't even say a thing about those burns you gave me earli - Argh, fuck!" I looked down, having accidentally walked into Ichiro's corpse. "Kakuzu, do you really have to dump that guy's body over here?!"

"Be careful. That's 20 million ryo you're tripping over," said Kakuzu. "That place is where it's easiest to guard the bounty. I can't have it disappearing before we reach the bounty station."

But of course. I'd almost forgotten that my partner was obsessed with money - Kakuzu without his mask seemed like a completely different person. One who wasn't a greedy old bastard.

"Well it's gross, and it stinks!" I complained, getting onto my side of the bed. Kakuzu ignored me, turning back to his book. I wondered what was so interesting about it.

"What are you reading?" I craned my neck to see its title. "..._Othello_?"

"One of the most enduring tragedies Shakespeare ever wrote," said Kakuzu. "Racism. Jealousy. Betrayal. Themes that are still as relevant now as they were fifty years ago."

"Ugh, boring." I cringed. "Who cares about that stuff, anyway?"

"When you've lived as long as I have, you come to appreciate things that last longer than mere instants," said Kakuzu, turning the page. "Maybe you should consider becoming acquainted with the classics. Seeing as you're so fond of calling yourself "immortal"."

"I _am_ immortal," I said smugly. "And anyway, I don't care for that stuff. This is the only book I'll ever need." I pulled out my Jashinist bible from my pants pocket.

Kakuzu looked at it with distaste. "You never come off that religious crap, do you?"

"I can't help it," I shrugged. "I have to devote my life to Jashin. Sometimes the stuff gets annoying, you know, like the constant praying and all that crap. And some of the really boring rituals, those suck too. But it's not like I can just opt out of it whenever I want."

"Yeah, you can." said Kakuzu. "Just stop deluding yourself with that nonsense."

"Kakuzu, _shut the fuck up_!" I shouted, throwing my fist at his face.

Kakuzu's red-green eyes flashed as he caught my punch, causing him to drop the book he was reading. I drew my fist for another strike.

It happened very quickly. Kakuzu tightened his grip on my fist as he locked his left leg around my thigh, levering himself above me before he had me pinned to the bed by my arms and my knees.

"Goddamn it, you bastard..."

"You really are wasting your energy with this," said Kakuzu quietly. I couldn't tell what expression he held in his eyes as he looked down at me, struggling against his hold. Seemed like he had the upper hand now. I grinned at him nervously.

"Aww jees Kakuzu. You know I was just playing around," I turned to either side to see my hands held down by the monkey-grip Kakuzu had on my forearms. "Come on, Kakuzu. Let go of me so I can read my scriptures already."

Kakuzu didn't move. His eyes shifted down to my chest.

"Do you always wear that?"

I traced his gaze to the pendant that hung from my neck. "Oh, yeah," I replied. "It's a sign of my devotion. Why the heck are you so interested all of a sudden?"

"You drew the same figure on the ground earlier, when you fought that swordsman," said Kakuzu. "That's the symbol for your religion, isn't it?"

"Yeah, well, not like it takes a genius to figure that out," I said. "This pendant is important. Anyway," I pressed, "Get off. You're hurting me."

"Not like that affects you much anyway." said Kakuzu, loosening his grip on my arms and shifting off me to his side of the bed.

"Yeah, you're right," I said, massaging my wrists, "But it still hurts like a bitch."

"Whatever. I'm going to sleep." Kakuzu lay down flat, and turned his back towards me.

"Suit yourself."

I reached for my bible, opening it at where I last placed my bookmark. This would be my thirtieth time reading through it. It might have seemed redundant, but every time I read the scriptures through, I could see deeper into their hidden meanings.

I'd last stopped off at the story of Iori and Satoshi, two shinobi who were destined by Jashin to be the prophets of destruction. Iori, being the younger in faith and years, had sought Satoshi as it was stated in Jashin's commandments that two hearts may cause more destruction than one. Satoshi, initially repulsed by the thought of a neighbour he could not kill in the name of the greater good, challenged Iori to many a battle. Six hundred and forty-six were killed between them, and when Satoshi saw that the figure was split evenly between him and Iori, he relented, and thus the pair went on to spread the glory and dread of Jashin.

This continued for seven golden years before the pair encountered a shinobi so powerful that their collective strength could not defeat him. The shinobi cut off their arms and legs and burnt them to ash, so that they could not walk, nor form the necessary hand seals for rejuvenation. And in the end, having been unable to fulfil their duties, Jashin took pity on them and caused them to die together in a landslide and enter paradise.

_Two hearts may wreak more destruction than one._ That was a verse that resonated well with me, the reason why I had sought Kakuzu in the first place; although I hadn't had this proverb in mind when I did it.

Perhaps Kakuzu would be my Satoshi. I glanced at his sleeping form, his breathing deep and even. I had to admit, his elemental techniques were amazing. And those threads...I guessed that they were the secret to his immortality. But then again, Kakuzu had not received the grace of Jashin, and the faint smell of Ichiro's decomposing body reminded me that his interests obviously lay elsewhere. And anyway...we were - or at least I was - immortal. Jashin's pity would not be necessary for us to fulfil our duty...

I slipped the bookmark inside my bible and put it back in my pocket. Nevertheless, that was still a good read. Time to go to sleep.

Kakuzu's voice sounded just as I was in the process of lowering myself onto the bed, causing me to jump in surprise.

"Go lie on your side of the bed, Hidan."

"Sweet shit, Kakuzu, don't fucking _do_ that to me!"

"Stop overreacting. You're too close to me with your wet hair; it's disgusting. Move it."

Ugh.

"Bastard..."

______

**End of Chapter 2**


	3. Chapter Three: An Immodest Proposal

**Chapter Three: An Immodest Proposal**

_Hidan_

I woke to the sound of birds chirruping outside. How odd. Guess I wasn't expecting this dilapidated place to be one to attract birds. I opened my eyes and turned to Kakuzu, who was already sitting on the edge of the bed, tucking in his headscarf.

"You're awake," he said, back still towards me. "About time."

"Good morning to you too," I said disgruntledly. I sat up, looking around for my coat and my scythe. That's weird, I could swear that I left them somewhere around here...

"You left your coat and your scythe in the bathroom," said Kakuzu, as if reading my mind. He pointed toward said bathroom, door still ajar as I had left it last night. Through the gap, I could make out my scythe and cables, propped against the toilet.

"Yeah, I knew that," I said, leaving the bed to get to the bathroom, carefully stepping around Ichiro's greying body as I did.

My cloak hung on the shower rail. I pulled it off and dressed myself, picking up my scythe and feeding its cables into my sleeve. I walked out of the bathroom to see Kakuzu standing, fitting his forehead protector over his head, before picking Ichiro's body up from the floor.

"Let's go."

____________

We left the guest house and walked onto the main street, where the vendors and restaurants were already setting out their goods in anticipation of the morning's sales. I eyed them in disapproval.

"We need to get to the nearest exchange point as soon as possible," said Kakuzu.

"Yeah," I said, "That guy's getting pretty gross now. Even that dead smell is rubbing off on you..." I stopped. A large growl emanated from my stomach.

Kakuzu glanced back at me, eyes narrowed.

"Don't give me that look," I told him defiantly, rubbing my stomach. "I haven't eaten in ages!"

Kakuzu didn't reply as he kept walking.

"Come on Kakuzu, let's get something to eat. I'm fucking starving over here!" I hurried to catch up to him. "Oi, Kakuzu, are you ignoring me?!"

I walked behind him, wondering where he was going. He was the one with the map, after all. I wasn't fucking joking though, I was honestly famished.

I followed Kakuzu as he turned off the main road, towards a small tea-shop that stood on its corner. Heh. Guess he wasn't ignoring me after all.

Kakuzu bent down as he walked through the entrance of the shop, its banner skimming off the top of his head as he passed through. I followed suit, as we sat down at one of the tables in the dining area. Kakuzu lay Ichiro on the floor at our feet. The shop was pretty empty; looked like it was just us in here. I cast my eyes over to the counter, where the chefs and the waitrons were huddled among themselves, whispering as they cast nervous glances at Kakuzu and me. Sheesh. It's like people around here have never seen a terrorist before.

"Oi, can we get some service over here?" I yelled impatiently over at the counter. "I don't have all day, you know!"

The chattering behind the counter stopped. From the gathered congregation, a short, mousy-haired girl emerged, approaching us timidly.

"Good - good morning sirs," she said in a small voice as she reached our table, not meeting our eyes. "What can I get you this morning?"

Kakuzu cocked his head at the signboard above the counter. "Two of those," he said.

"A - ah. The breakfast special." the girl gave a small nod. "It'll be ready in a minute, sir." She paused, sniffing the air.

"What's that smell?" she said, looking around her. Suddenly, she noticed the body at her feet. "Oh my - " the girl stifled a scream and hurried away from our table, shaking.

"Jeez. Can't even take a bit of decomposition. Imagine how I must feel, having to sleep with that rotting thing," I remarked, turning to Kakuzu. "Hey, what's that?"

Kakuzu had taken a book out from his sleeve, only this time it wasn't_ Othello_, but a notebook whose pages were riddled with lines and numbers.

"Akatsuki's finances," said Kakuzu as he retrieved a pen and a ruler and started writing in the book.

"Finances?" I said, as the terrified waitress brought us our breakfast trays and cutlery, settling them on the table before scuttling away again.

"Savings. Expense reports. Tax returns." Kakuzu barely looked up from his ledger. "Did you think money grew on trees?"

I pulled my tray towards me and studied its contents. Meh. Fish, rice, miso, tofu. I didn't particularly care for this stuff, but I guessed it would do for now.

I snapped my wooden chopsticks. "Hey Kakuzu. Aren't you gonna eat?"

"Just a minute. I need to finish filing this expense."

I rolled my eyes and ate my breakfast while Kakuzu wrote in his ledger, pausing now and again and paging back and forth, correcting mistakes in the previous pages. On new pages, he would use his ruler to draw lines on the paper before filling them in carefully with a bunch of figures I didn't care about, checking to see if the previous figures addedup correctly before underlining each number at the end of a date.

I had just finished my meal when Kakuzu finally finished being anal with his finances and drew his breakfast closer. He folded his mask down, exposing the lower half of his face, stitches and all. I couldn't help but smile. Kakuzu really wasn't bad looking. It was just the mask that him look like a gigantic prick.

I watched as Kakuzu ate his breakfast. The way he grasped his chopsticks was surprisingly delicate but firm, his long, tanned fingers clasping them as he used them to pick up each piece of fish, individually, before delivering them to his mouth. I grinned inwardly. Heh. I would never have guessed that Kakuzu ate his meals like a woman.

Kakuzu suddenly looked up from his food, catching my eyes by surprise. Blood rushed to my face as I felt his penetrative, green-red gaze settling on me. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. Kakuzu was unreadable like that...

Kakuzu turned back to his meal. "You've got rice on your face."

Fucking hell. Why was I still blushing? What the fuck was wrong with me?

"I knew that," I snapped, reaching up to my face and feeling around for the granules. Shit. They were all over my cheeks. I brushed them off with my sleeve, annoyed, as Kakuzu finished his fish started on his tofu.

Man, he really took his time with his food. I twirled my chopsticks in my hands, passing them between my fingers before snapping the individual sticks in half. Ugh. I was bored already.

"Jashin, Kakuzu, could you eat any slower?" I grumbled.

"You're quite welcome to leave." Kakuzu said, chewing slowly on his tofu.

"Tch. Like I'm going to leave you now and then spend ages later trying to catch up with you again."

"Saves my having to deal with you."

"No fucking ways. I'm staying." I declared, arms folded. "Hurry up and finish eating so we can go already!"

"Suit yourself."

* * *

_Kakuzu_

I paid our bill at the counter when Hidan and I had finished our meals, picking up Ichiro's body as we left. With Hidan around, it looked like I would have to account for double the expenses compared to me travelling alone - the brat didn't seem like the kind of man to ever have cash on him. At least the money I would receive after exchanging this corpse would cover some of my impending expenditure.

Hidan and I left the tea-shop, continuing our way on the main road. Hidan had a habit of trailing behind me. Whether this was from an admission that I led the team or his being easily distracted my his surroundings was unclear to me. The man certainly enjoyed passing disgruntled commentary at everything that displeased him.

It was strange - probably just my imagination - but sometimes, it seemed like the purple-eyed kid would stare at me. Occasionally his lingering gaze would flit in and out of my peripheral vision, but more often than not, I would catch his eye whilst I was in the midst of some or other mundane action. And those eyes made it look like Hidan was deep in thought - something I didn't think he was capable of, at least in battle. It was curious, but I would probably do well as not to misread him. I would ready the means to dispatch him if it ever became an irritant.

It was noon. We were almost at the outskirts of the village, having cut straight across it with our trajectory. Not being particularly fast on our feet, we nevertheless managed to traverse it in roughly a day due to its small size - the country was scattered with settlements like these. I knew this place well enough from my solo journeys before joining Akatsuki - the abandoned buildings around us quite familiar to me. I had no use for memories, but I had made a few exchanges for small money by the station set up here, all the surrounding establishments having been deserted.

"Heh. Where did all the people go?" asked Hidan, amused at the change in scenery.

"They died out," I replied. "Annihilated each other over resources."

Hidan tutted. "Man, these atheists are all the same. Fighting isn't a means, it's supposed to be the end. Fools. Now look at them," he shrugged. "Gone. Not a soul in sight."

"I wouldn't say that." I said, approaching the abandoned warehouse that loomed up ahead.

"Wait, where the hell are we going, Kakuzu? I thought we were going to the exchange point!" whined Hidan behind me.

"This is the exchange point, you idiot," I said, walking to the warehouse's entrance. The doors had been torn off long ago. The place was stacked to the ceiling with shipping containers, dirty and rusted, leaving only a narrow isle in the middle of it all. I entered, my footsteps echoing on the concrete.

"I'll just wait for you outside!" shouted Hidan, as I disappeared into the building. "Make it quick!"

Stupid Hidan. Did he think this business was child's play? These men were as seedy as they came. Given the chance, none of them would think twice about skimming a couple thousand ryo off an unsuspecting guy from a bounty exchange. You couldn't trust any of them for shit.

I studied the towering stacks of shipping containers in front of me. Third container from the back, right of the warehouse. I retreated to the rear of the building and located the green container, inconspicuous amongst its peers. I placed my left palm against it, and the wall facing me unfolded to reveal a cavernous room composed from the walls of several containers. The west wall was lined with drawers, and a lone table stood at its center. A man stepped forward.

"This way, please." he said, motioning to the drawers.

I nodded.

The man retreated to one of the drawers, unlocking it and pulling it out to its full length. "Looks like a tall one you've got there, eh?" he said conversationally, pointing at the body I carried.

"Yep." I reached the drawer and hurled Ichiro's corpse onto the tray with a bang. The man procured a copy of the bingo book and flipped through it, comparing Ichiro's face with the entries within.

"Ahh." He stopped, pointing to Ichiro's entry, "Tobikuma Ichiro."

"Yeah."

The man sized up the corpse before him carefully. "Yup. That's him without a doubt," he said at length, turning to the back section of the room. "Just a minute, sir."

I stood, waiting with the corpse, until the man returned, carrying a black briefcase. He pushed the drawer back into the wall and locked it, before beckoning me to the table.

"20 million ryo," he said, setting the case on the tabletop and unclasping it to reveal the stacks of banknotes inside. I picked up a wad and started flipping through, adding up the amount in my head.

"Um, sir..." he started tentatively. "I would advise you not to check the full amount over here. It is rather time consuming and may leave the exchange point vulnerable to outside threats..."

I looked up from counting the banknotes, scowling at the man. "Are you trying to cheat me out of the full amount?"

Sweat started to form on the man's brow. "O - of course not, I - "

"Hidan is outside," I said, impatiently. "He'll make sure nobody gets past the door."

The man's eyes widened in surprise. "Hidan?" he balked. "Hidan, of Hot Water?"

"If he's forehead protector isn't mistaken," I said, turning back to my counting.

"And - and you know how much he is worth?"

I stopped. "What do you mean?"

The man looked at me incredulously. He retrieved the bingo book from his pocket and opened it to the last page. "Here," he said, thrusting it under my nose.

I looked at the entry. Hidan. The photograph was unmistakeable. The wide, reddish purple eyes, the slicked-back silver hair, that oddly delicate facial structure...

And then I saw his price. My throat went dry.

"That's right." I could hear the man's voice beside me as the figure leapt at me from the page, "One-hundred-and-seventy million ryo."

That was...

"...is that a misprint?" I said, slowly.

"No," replied the man, retracting the book and stowing it away once more. "Hidan has been viewed as an extreme threat by his home town of Hot Water. His slaughter of his neighbours and subsequent exile from the village proved to be a public relations disaster - they're desperate to get rid of him."

"Desperate enough to bargain on the black market, it seems." I turned back to counting the money again. _Two-hundred-and-forty-five thousand...two-hundred-and-fifty thousand..._

My hands were shaking.

"Yep," said the man. "A rogue ninja, slaughtering people in the name of his god, still carrying the symbol of his previous village...terrible for Hot Water's reputation and economy as a tourist attraction. Struck us a monstrous deal. Valuable thing, that man's corpse."

I didn't like the triumphant tone of his voice.

"They won't get him," I said. "The guy's immortal." _Nine-hundred-and-thirty-five thousand, nine-hundred-and-forty thousand..._

The man chuckled darkly. "Yeah, they're well aware of that. That's why they've made an exception..." he paused, lips curling into a mocking smile. "For Hidan, just the head will do."

I didn't reply. My hands were flipping through the notes, faster and faster. Maybe it was the laugh. Maybe it was the way he talked, or the way he was watching me now, with interest, through the silence...somehow, _something_ about the man was chafing, hard, at my temper. _One-hundred-and-seventy million ryo -_

My jaws clenched as I sped through the notes furiously. _Three-million-and-sixty-five-thousand, three-million-and-seventy-thousand..._

"Something wrong?" said the man. I ignored him.

_Four million..._

"So what's a guy like him doing with a guy like you, eh?" the man said slyly. "Looks like you're in quite the fortuitous situation. I look forward to your taking advantage of this opportunity and - "

_Boom_.

My hardened hand had detached from my arm and thrown the man across the room, pinning him to the wall by his neck. The man was shaking in terror, looking like he was on the verge of passing out.

"Hidan is my partner in Akatsuki," I snarled. "He's with me because I require his assistance for the purpose of my missions." I tightened my grip on the man's throat. "Got it?"

A faint squeak escaped from his ashen lips.

I hurled the fucker against the drawers, where he crashed and fell to the floor, trembling. I turned back to the table, picking up the briefcase.

"This is the full amount," I growled, leaving the man to cower on the floor as I made my way out of the exchange point.

__________________

**End of Chapter 3**


	4. Chapter Four: A Slight Attack

**Chapter Four: A Slight Attack**

_Hidan_

Man, it was hot today. Dead heat. Not even a breeze. The sweat was prickling my skin, and I could fucking swear that I saw heat waves rising from the ground. At least here, leaning against the front wall of the warehouse, I could get some shade from its awnings.

It must have been, what, fifteen minutes since Kakuzu went into that place? I had no idea what was taking him so long. How hard could it be to exchange a body? You give the corpse to the guy, he locks it away, you get your money and you get the fuck out. Only Jashin knew what Kakuzu was doing inside this abandoned dump. Hell, even I could tell he wasn't the type for small talk.

Although, speaking of which - that was one of the few things about Kakuzu that I think I could seriously take a liking to. That guy didn't like wasting anything. It's been two days and already I knew what to expect - cheapskate lodgings, boring food, more time spent waiting outside places like these while he gets his bounty. In battle, it seemed as if Kakuzu did not use more energy than was needed, preferring to stand and let his detachable hands do his dirty work. Money, movement. And now, it was pretty apparent that he didn't like wasting his words, either.

During our journeys, I had discovered that I was able to get a strange pleasure from talking against his silence. Kakuzu talked a lot less than I did, and when he did, what he said was usually short and blunt. It was pretty refreshing how, as we walked, I could bitch as much as I wanted about our shitty predicament and not have to consider his answer. Most people talked too much back to me, when all I wanted was a good vent. But then again, they usually stopped talking when they were dead.

I was amused by how I could get Kakuzu riled up by insulting either his hobby or his materialism. I already knew how to push his buttons - when we were travelling, I noticed how his grip would tighten on Ichiro's dead body or how his free hand would clench whenever I mentioned either of these things. He never did attack me, though. Remarkable restraint for someone who frigging broke my windpipe just the previous day for calling him unenlightened. Pity, as I would have loved a fair fight with him...

A series of of heavy footsteps sounding from the warehouse made me look towards the warehouse entrance. Kakuzu emerged, carrying a large, black briefcase. Speak of the devil. Guess he finally got the money.

"Well shit, about time, Kaku - "

This time, I saw his fist coming.

"Paper beats rock," I smirked, blocking Kakuzu's blow with my hand. His eyes flashed, and in that second, I saw something else in them. Something that was fucking scary, even to me.

Kakuzu didn't respond. He swung his briefcase in my direction.

I ducked, dodging the case, and drew my scythe. Kakuzu jumped to counter my swipe at his legs.

In the air, grey tendrils shot from his arm, writhing as they sped towards me. Not a chance. I dodged and hacked away at them, getting closer to Kakuzu as I did so. I couldn't fight him from afar with my cables now, the tendrils would grab them for sure. But this was fucking fantastic. Was Jashin-sama watching me? Because he sure as hell wouldn't want to miss this. I fought the tendrils from all sides, inching closer to Kakuzu as I did so.

Kakuzu landed, and even from my position I could see his free hand darken, the stitches surrounding his forearm undoing themselves. Trying to distract me with these threads, before launching his hand at me? Like hell was I going to fall for that. I continued to dodge the threads, and readied my scythe in anticipation of the hand. If I severed _those_ threads, it would be easy for me to gain the upper hand in this battle.

The hand detached, and, as I expected, came straight for me. Closer...closer. I weaved through the other threads, making sure the hand was close enough to me that I could reach its connecting threads, and swung forward.

I missed.

Threads flew out from the arm I had been aiming for, latching onto my scythe at mid-swing before I had a chance to react. Something was pulling at my hair, yanking me backwards with unexpected force. What the hell was going on? I looked in Kakuzu's direction, searching for the answer.

What?

Kakuzu had dropped his briefcase, the hand that had previously held it having disappeared into the ground at his feet, leaving only a trail of threads running from Kakuzu's arm to the floor. The bastard had sent his hand underground and used it to attack me from behind. Tendrils were slithering onto me from the hand at my head, and I could hear a loud, metallic grating as my scythe and its cables were yanked from me, more and more, until even the end of the cable attached to the inside of my cloak came away.

"Fucking...prick...Ugh!" I strained, trying to break through the threads with brute force. But every time I struggled, more threads would fly out from Kakuzu, reinforcing the hold he had on me. I looked on and to my frustration, my scythe was now in Kakuzu's possession.

"Goddamn it..."

Shit, shit, _shit_.

Goddamn it. I couldn't move. Kakuzu's threads cut into my skin, wrapping around me so tightly that I could barely breathe.

"Kakuzu, you fucking bastard!" I shouted angrily, feeling my body get pulled closer and closer to him as he reeled me in by retracting his threads. When I was almost an arm's length away from him, Kakuzu stepped in to close the distance between us. He looked at me, sharp green eyes set in determination. I eyed my scythe, now in his hands, it's cables dangling uselessly behind it. Ugh. This was probably going to hurt.

The moment felt like a fucking eternity as I stood before him, anticipating his next move.

Then, suddenly, I felt myself being flung far behind Kakuzu's back, hitting the ground with a sickening jolt. A loud metallic clatter sounded near me. I lifted my face to see my scythe sprawled in front of me, and Kakuzu picking up his briefcase and walking away, ignoring my angry yells.

Shit...SHIT. The significance of what had just happened hit me as suddenly as Kakuzu's sneak attack.

...Thanks to that asshole, it looked like both him and me had just sinned. Big time.

_Kakuzu_

I trudged through the desolate landscape, barely registering my surroundings as I made my way out of the village.

It should have been easy enough - I had gotten him just where I needed. All that remained was for me to sever his head, bring it back into the bounty station, and I could have added one-hundred-and-seventy million ryo to my - and, to an extent, Akatsuki's - inventory. It was an incredible sum of money, one that would assure me a comfortable lifestyle and solid net worth for a long time. Compared to that, all my other bounties were small fry. And it - he - was right under my nose, partnering me for our missions, following me like a stray animal.

Hidan. That rash, irreverent, silver-haired zealot. I had had him bound by my hands and threads, had him restrained and helpless right in front of me. It had been easy enough; Hidan fell readily to rudimentary battle tactics. He had looked at me, lavender eyes full with anger, frustration...and just the slightest hint of fear. And I was going to do it. I was going to sever his head with his own scythe.

But I didn't.

"Fuck you, you son of a bitch! Don't just fucking leave like this!" I could hear Hidan call out indignantly, far behind me. "Oi, slow the fuck down, Kakuzu!"

Fucking Hidan. I didn't want to have to deal with him in person as well as in thought. I ignored him, continuing on my way. According to my map, there would be another village about 40 kilometers from my location. At this rate, I should reach it be sundown. I pressed on.

______________

A while had passed since I left the previous village. I could no longer sense Hidan's presence anywhere near me. This was good. I wanted to be as far as possible from the source of my weakness.

It had been a while since I last drank. Something as pointless as intoxication hadn't appealed much to me in my later years, but at this moment, it was exactly what I wanted. A firm, persuasive distraction. From this...inexplicable misadventure.

The weather grew colder as the sun began to settle to the horizon.

______________

**End of Chapter Four**


	5. Chapter Five: Sober

**Chapter Five: Sober**

_Kakuzu_

It was windy as I entered. A strong evening breeze swept across the village, lifting up leaves and debris as it went.

This village was not much different from the last one. It had fewer inns, but the streets were covered in vendors and pubs. I picked a particularly inconspicuous pub, briefly noting its signboard before entering. The pub's staff and patrons watched me with interest as I made my way through the tables to a secluded table in the corner, nestled between two opposing benches. Seemed like people in this village hadn't heard of Akatsuki or its infamous reputation. I placed my briefcase on on of the benches, and sat down.

A young, cheerful man with in a frilled apron approached me.

"Hello sir! What can I get you this fine evening?" the jovial waiter beamed, contrasting sharply with my own ill mood. "Perhaps some of our specialty onigiri? Or a plate of sashimi from our extensive catalogue of fresh fish?"

"Warm sake," I said, staring at the paraffin light at the middle of the table. "And bring the whole jar."

"No problem," said the waiter, turning back toward the kitchen. The flame of the paraffin light flickered slightly from his departure.

It was inexplicable - taking his head was the option with the greatest profit involved. Surely the loss incurred from reverting to disposable partners would be offset by the huge sum of money that I could get from handing the head in. So why couldn't I do it? What was he to me, anyway?

At first glance, Hidan was a physical liability. A slow, dim-witted, maniacal one-trick pony. The sheer, dumb ease with which his killing jutsu worked made him careless in battle, and it was easy to see the flaws in his setup - and easier to trick him into a corner.

Then there was his religion. It was as if Hidan didn't take anything else seriously because, to him, Jashinism was the only thing worth his full respect. His devotion was nonsensical to me, simply because faith was a gamble, and one with no discernible outcome until it was much too late. Except, it did seem as if he had already gained something from it. That strange inability to die...

"There you are, motherfucker!" I didn't even have to look at the source of the voice to know who it was. Hidan seemed slightly out of breath, hair and cloak dishevelled as he sat himself opposite me, fuming. He banged his fists on the table.

"Kakuzu...what the fuck was that?" Hidan burst out, blowing the lamp's flame towards me with the sheer force of his words. "First you fucking attack me out of nowhere, okay fuck, whatever, I knew you would some day, you unstable fucking piece of shit. Then you fucking go trap me, and when you win, you don't even have the good fucking grace to finish the fucking battle, and now you and I are both in huge fucking trouble by Jashin for that dick move you pulled! And seriously, what the fuck was up with just walking away like that? Do you have any goddamn idea how long it took me to find you in this godforsaken place?"

Hidan's tirade was starting to attract the stares of the patrons around us.

"Hidan." I growled. "If you cherish having your head attached to your body - even a little bit - I suggest you either shut your goddamn mouth, or fuck off where I won't be able to find you. I may not give a shit about the tenets of your religion, but even I can only sin so much against your so-called "god"."

"Eat shit!" shouted Hidan, as my waiter approached our table with a jar of steaming sake and a small, porcelain cup, setting it down in front of me. He smiled at Hidan.

"That's not included in the menu, unfortunately," he said pleasantly, unfazed by Hidan's rage. "But is there anything else you'd like to order?"

Hidan, still fuming, shot a dirty look at my sake. "I'll have what he's having," he said, clenching both fists on the table. "I'm going to drink this bastard under the fucking table!"

Incorrigible moron. Drinking wasn't a competition. I glared at him.

"What?" he snapped.

I restrained myself from killing you without knowing why, and now I was regretting it, I thought. That was what.

"I'm not paying your tab," I said, after a pause. I folded my mask down and filled my cup with sake. Lifting the cup to my mouth, the steam rose from the alcohol, filling my nostrils with its sharp headiness. I sipped at the sake, not looking at Hidan, feeling it burn a trail down my throat as I swallowed the hot liquid.

"Here you go," the waiter had arrived again. He placed Hidan's sake and a cup in front of him. "Enjoy!"

"Like hell," said Hidan, as the waiter left.

I took another sip from my cup.

"Hey, Kakuzu." I heard the slight tinkling of the jar as Hidan poured its contents into his cup.

I lifted my eyes. Hidan was looking up at me from his sake cup, lavender gaze burning into me with fiendish intensity.

"Fuck you." Hidan downed his sake, exhaling sharply as he slammed the cup back on the table. "More," he sputtered, pouring himself another cup and downing it again without missing a beat. "What's the matter, old man?" said Hidan, filling his third cup of sake, "Can't keep up?"

I finished my cup. "I wasn't aware that your religion permitted you to imbibe."

My empty stomach was churning from the sake's acridity. This was something that I had not been able to grow accustomed to - the burn. But at the very least, it was starting to work as a distraction. Thanks to its stinging warmth, it was getting harder and harder to remember why I was drinking in the first place.

Hidan snorted. "Jashin doesn't restrict _shit_, Kakuzu. I can do what I fucking want, as long as I follow the path of destruction." He tipped his third cup into his mouth. I watched him drink with interest, wondering just how well he held his liquor. He certainly didn't seem like one to measure his intake. "Man, what the fuck is this shit?" Hidan grumbled, deciding to forgo the cup and picking up his jar instead. He took a large swig, wiping off the corners of his mouth with his sleeve. "Three fucking cups and I don't feel a thing!"

I refilled my cup. "Of course you won't feel a thing, you idiot," I said, annoyed. "You're drinking too fast. You should learn how to pace yourself."

"Pace, schmace," Hidan waved a dismissive hand at me and hollered to the kitchen. "Oi! Waiter! More sake!"

A slight, numb tingling began spreading from my extremities. I took another gulp of my own drink, marvelling at its ability to smooth over my tormented musings and allow me to take in what was happening at face value - namely, Hidan's pointed staring. I looked back into his eyes, and noticed that their previous fury had subsided into something that more closely resembled curiosity.

A faint, deep pink blush was forming on Hidan's cheeks. He frowned. "Man, why is it so hot in here all of a sudden," he moaned, fanning his face with his hand, "I thought it was supposed to be windy today?"

I watched Hidan pant in discomfort, ill at ease with the alcohol-induced warmth. "You don't drink much, do you?"

"What's that got to do with anything?" said Hidan irritably. He rolled his shoulders. "Goddamn it, I can't stand this heat. Fuck this shit!"

I was entirely unprepared for the sight before me as Hidan whipped off his cloak with a flourish, exposing his flushed, bare torso, already covered in a slight sheen of sweat. His biceps rippled as he combed a hand through his silver hair.

"What?" Hidan noticed me staring at him before I did. "Don't give me that look, Kakuzu, it's fucking boiling in here. Public decency can kiss my ass!"

I didn't reply. There were no other words to describe it. Hidan was...exquisite. His torso, glowing with sweat, look sculpted, the shifting muscles perfectly defined under the lightly-tanned skin. His silver hair, slicked back, exposed his delicate, heart-shaped face. And then those deep purple eyes, wide and doe-like, betrayed the lust for blood and carnage that burned deep within their depths...

I downed my second cup. I felt my face redden, although by now it was impossible for me to tell whether it was from the wine or from Hidan's immodesty. Still, I could enjoy the irony of the situation. Sake or no sake, it had been decades since any woman - let alone man - was able to have this effect on me. I filled my third cup.

"Here you go, sir!" the waiter had returned, carrying another jar of sake. He set it down in front of Hidan, and as soon as he had arrived, left for the kitchen again.

Hidan took a large swig from the steaming jar. He blinked. "Shit, I feel fucking weird..." he mumbled, eyeing the contents of the jar with mistrust.

"That'll be the sake," I said.

Hidan surveyed me bemusedly, noting my own reddened countenance. He smiled. "So...you feel it too, huh?" he said in a low voice, leaning forward.

To my surprise, Hidan rose from his bench, stumbling, and made his way to mine. I recoiled as he sat down and shifted toward me, but he was insistent. "Feel what?" I croaked, noting how Hidan was pressing his warm body to my own. He was too close for comfort, bare torso rubbing against my cloak and what was exposed of my skin.

"The heat..." Hidan reached up to caress the collar of my cloak. "Here," he murmured, other hand fondling with the zip of my cloak. "Let me help you with that..."

"Hidan," I groaned, as he slowly started unzipping my cloak, parting it to reveal my black undershirt.

"What?" Hidan looked up from my chest.

"Stop that."

"Stop what?" Hidan continued, bringing the zip down to my stomach.

My hands shot to his shoulders and pulled him away from me roughly. "That."

Hidan, initially startled at my actions, relented, slumping back against the bench. He hiccuped. "I was just trying to help, old man," he sulked, arms folded.

"You can help by not making me regret sparing your sorry ass," I told him. Hidan's expression remained the same.

"Yeah well, you shouldn't have," he said bitterly. "You were the victor. It was your god-given duty to finish off your opponent anyway. It's a sin - "

"It was a moment of weakness." I looked away, instead focusing my vision on the paraffin lamp. I had stood, with Hidan at my mercy, and decided that I couldn't. Not even for...

I was lifted from my reverie by an unexpected, gentle caress on my cheek. I turned my attention to Hidan, who had leaned in close to cup my face. I parted my lips in surprise, but made no move to push his hand away.

"It wouldn't have killed me," said Hidan softly. "And anyway," his fingers brushed against the stitches on my face. "I always thought you were very strong..."

More than a moment of weakness, apparently. The alcohol inside me burned, and I was light-headed from Hidan's attention. Despite his words, he didn't have any idea of what I would have done with him after I removed his head. But even now, even with this exchange on top of the financial stability promised by his handsome bounty, something was holding me back...

"You don't know what you're getting yourself into, kid," I murmured.

Hidan gave a heady chuckle. "Alright, I guess I'm kinda glad not to have felt...whatever you were gonna do. Looked like it'd have hurt like a bitch, anyway..." His hand left my cheek to rest on my shoulder, and for a moment he held my gaze, an indecipherable expression on his face.

Then suddenly, his eyes unfocused, and he lurched forwards, dismayed. "Fuck..."

I caught him just as he was about to fall into my lap.

"Goddamn it. Feel sick," he said.

"You're drunk," I muttered, steadying him with my hands. My own head was in a daze, but I was clearly not as intoxicated as the wasted idiot who currently had his head buried in my ribs.

So much for an evening of distraction from the object of my deliberations.

"Hidan." I said, irritated, as I attempted to pry Hidan's flushed face from my chest. "Get off me. We're going."

Hidan groaned, resisting my ministrations. "Kakuzu, don't - " His head burrowed further into my cloak. "Feels good here," he mumbled.

Son of a bitch.

I contemplated my surroundings. On one side of my bench was the wall and my briefcase. One the other side was Hidan, blocking my way out. Climbing over the table or the back of the bench was definitely not an option. Still, it was time to make an exit. I took Hidan's hands off my shoulder and knees, placing my hands at his sides, and gave a powerful push. Hidan slid off the bench onto the floor with a gurgle of protest. I took hold of my briefcase and left the bench, stepping over Hidan's body as I went.

Still sprawled on the floor, Hidan looked up at me with a drunk smile.

"You're making a goddamned fool of yourself, Hidan." I told him. "Get up. We're leaving."

Hidan held onto the edge of his previous bench for leverage as he struggled to right himself. "Wait," he slurred, sitting up. He felt around his bench for his cloak and scythe, pulling them towards himself clumsily. "I gotta..." And with that, he slumped, face first, onto the bench.

I narrowed my eyes, preparing to turn away, when Hidan, head on the bench, let out a soft, pleading moan. "Kakuzu..."

Imbecile.

I walked over to him, setting my briefcase on the table, and hauled Hidan, cloak and scythe, over my shoulder, his upper body hanging limply over my breast. I picked up my briefcase again and made my way to the counter, ignoring the stares of the patrons around us.

I ended up paying Hidan's bill anyway.

I left the pub, into the hazy night. It was still windy, but I could no longer feel the chill, not with this alcohol-fueled warmth and Hidan's draped over me like a heavy corpse. I looked around, a modest inn across the road registering in my mind as a fitting place to stay for the night.

I crossed the road, Hidan in tow, and approached the inn, pushing past its doors into the lobby.

"Room for two?" said a middle-aged woman stationed behind the counter, eyeing my entrance amusedly.

"How much?" I said, moving toward the counter.

"One hundred and fifty ryo," said the woman.

"Room for one."

"One hundred and ten ryo," said the woman, scribbling something in her notebook. I retrieved the amount from my sleeves, pushing all my loose change across the counter at the woman. She scooped up the change in displeasure, and placed a key on the table. "Down the corridor and to your right," she said, motioning to the corridor in question. I took the key, leaving the lobby and locating the room. I unlocked the door and stepped inside.

This room was significantly better furnished than the room at the last inn. A single bed stood in the center of the room, draped in blankets and piled with pillows at the head. Cupboards lined the walls, and a curtain door separated the bedroom from the bathroom.

"Where..." Hidan's voice sounded from his position on my shoulder.

"We're staying here for the night." I addressed Hidan's dead weight, crouching to lay his body on the floor beside the bed. I set my briefcase on the bed and picked up his scythe, its cables, and his cloak, crossing the room to store them in the provided cupboard. From across the room, I could hear Hidan stirring, as he attempted to sit himself upright.

"Kakuzu, I..." he began feverishly, as I returned to the bed. "I..."

And with a retch, Hidan vomited, spewing a foul-smelling, clear liquid all over himself, soiling the floor, his chest...

...and his own pants.

* * *

**End of Chapter Five**


	6. Chapter Six: Drunk

**Chapter Six: Drunk**

_Kakuzu_**  
**

"Better," Hidan said, eyes closed, as he fell back to the floor with a thump.

I looked in distaste at his intoxicated form, slick vomit forming dark patches as they seeped into his pants and the carpet. The stench of alcohol mixed in stomach acid filled the room, and nearly caused my own stomach to turn in disgust. Fucking Hidan.

I wanted to leave him so that he would feel the full consequence of his idiotic actions. It was only fitting that they ended with him curled on the floor, festering in his own nausea - the heavy sickness itself would be enough punishment. The mess he created, however, would sicken my own dreams. The stink was unbearable - and a good night's sleep took preference over making Hidan suffer.

I walked over to where Hidan lay. He looked asleep, silver hair matted and sticking to his face with a mixture of vomit and saliva that trailed from his open mouth.

I wondered briefly what his god thought of his faithful servant now.

I kicked him in the ribs. "Hidan. Wake up." I commanded. Hidan's face scrunched in discomfort as he opened his eyes slightly.

"Wasn't fucking sleeping, dickhead," he grumbled, briefly noting me standing above him before closing his eyes again. Even inebriated, the abrasive Hidan had returned, a far departure from the absent-minded, overly-affectionate drunkard that had draped himself all over me in the pub.

"You're pathetic." I said in a low voice. I knelt down beside him, and paused. Hidan's bare chest rose and fell with his breath, a puddle of liquid trailing from the pendant on his breast to the crotch of his pants. It would have been easy enough to wipe his upper body and the carpet with a cloth. And yet somehow, his pants, dark and sticky, were forcibly entered into the equation by his position when he vomited. I drew a deep breath and began reaching out for the cloth at his waist.

"Kakuzu, what the hell are you..." I stopped at Hidan's words. He seemed alert now, eyes fully open in mortification at the sight of my hands halfway to his crotch. I shot him an irritated glance.

"Getting you cleaned, you idiot." My hands reached his the knot of his cloth belt and started undoing it.

"Fuck off." Unsteadily, Hidan sat upright, pushing my hands away and fumbling at his own belt, trying to unknot it himself. "I can...myself..." He struggled with it, cursing, before falling silent, his hands resting on his lap. He stared at his hands, body swaying slightly. Then, he jerked forward. "Ugh!" he sucked in a sharp breath as he retched, before collapsing with his face in his thighs. "Fuck...fuck!"

"Well deserved," I said darkly. At the back of my mind, disbelief hovered at the thought of this imbecile of a man being worth so much money. Perhaps lack of foresight was something that plagued all people hailing from Hot Water. Now, curled in a disoriented, foul-mouthed mess, I was irritated at Hidan's helplessness and maddened that it had resulted from his poor, earlier attempt to spite me. For someone who could not die, he definitely did not appreciate what it was to live.

I bent down beside Hidan and slipped a hand under his knees, placing my other arm around his back. He didn't protest as I lifted him, holding my breath, his head lolling on his knees and eyes dull with defeat. He was surprisingly heavy, an obvious consequence of his muscular build. I carried him to the curtain door, nudging it aside with my shoulder and entering the three-piece bathroom.

The bathroom housed a bath in one corner; a washing counter and a toilet in the other. A white towel hung on the rail next to the counter, which had a number of small bottles lined up near the sink. I hauled Hidan over to the bath, lowering him none too gently into the pearly cavity. His tall form refused to fit in the standard-sized tub, and instead he lay on his back, with his head comically propped up against the back of the tub. I took off his shoes and socks, placing them at the foot of the bath.

"Kakuzu," Hidan's half-lidded eyes shifted to me in outrage. "...no fucking way. I'm not sleeping here." He hiccuped.

"Shut the fuck up, Hidan."

"Hey - hey, what are you...?" Purple eyes widened in alarm as I removed Hidan's belt, pulling it out from underneath him. Without the support of the cloth, the mouth of his pants fell loose, hanging unfastened on his hipbones. I placed the belt on the floor, and paused. Seeing the normally smug, irreverent brat vulnerable like this, half-naked and sprawled in a drunken fever, affected me in a way I could not accurately describe. I dismissed the thoughts, and reached for his hips.

"Kakuzu, you fucking pervert! Stop - " Hidan's eyes grew wider, something I did not expect to be possible. Too addled to escape, he looked on, helpless, as I matter-of-factly removed his stained pants, discarding the pants on the floor.

...As immodest as Hidan was, I was at least expecting underwear.

Hidan looked down, and moaned.

"Goddamn it, Kakuzu..."

I followed his gaze and swallowed as I took in the sight before me. Hidan was naked, wearing nothing but his Jashin rosary, skin glistening with sweat and vomit - and he was hard, face blooming redder as he looked at his own full erection splayed across his stomach.

I expected this even less than his lack of underwear - nothing blatantly sexual had happened between him and anyone else tonight...or had it? I racked my memory for anything that could have been the cause, but could not recall Hidan's attention being on anyone else other than me...

The realization struck home.

Ever since we had fought side-by-side, Hidan had been persistent in staying with me, even during mundane tasks, despite his vocal protests of boredom. And, despite all my intentions of removing myself from his vicinity, and in turn, the torturous dilemma that came with being near him, he was tenacious in tracking me down - much to my chagrin. Then, there was the mysterious staring and the strange look on his face while he did it.

And then there was that incident in the pub. The softly spoken words, the deliberate touches...

I shook my head. It was much too early to make a deduction at this point - and alcohol caused people to behave in stupid ways. Perhaps it was just as the porter said.

"Drink is a provoker of lechery," I muttered, moving my gaze from Hidan's crotch to his face. "It provokes the desire, and yet it takes away the performance...*" And, naked as he was, there was still absolutely no appeal in his current state.

"Shut - shut the fuck up..." Hidan squeezed is eyes shut, a look of desperate concentration on his face. I watched him apprehensively.

"...What are you doing?"

"Thinking of Kisame taking a shit."

There were no other obvious distractions to warrant Hidan's closed eyes. "If you wanted me to leave, just say so."

"Fuck you, Kakuzu. Don't flatter yourself!"

I ignored him, reaching over to his feet to plug the bath and turn on the faucets. Hot and cold water gushed from the taps. I turned to the counter, selecting bubble bath from the assorted bottles. I returned to the bath, pouring out the entirety of the bottle's contents with the running water. Foam rose in the bath almost immediately, covering Hidan's nudity in piles of white - something I was grateful for. He opened his eyes.

"You're giving me a fucking bath?" he said in disbelief.

"No," I corrected him. "_You're_ cleaning yourself up so I can sleep properly tonight. You stink."

"Are you just going to stand there and watch me, you fucking pervert?"

"Not exactly." I turned off the water by the bath and moved to the counter, plugging it and filling the sink with water. I picked up the bottle labeled 'Soap' and tipped some of the liquid into the sink, dispersing it with my hands. Then, rolling up my sleeves, I picked up Hidan's cloth belt and and pushed it into the bubbles.

"Hey Kakuzu." Hidan's voice sounded from behind me as I pulled the belt through the soapy water. "What's with the mask?"

I scowled. "You're unusually talkative for someone who's incapacitated by their drink."

"It takes my mind off this fucking headache and the fact that this place is fucking spinning," said Hidan. "So, the mask. I take that it isn't worn for religious purposes?"

"The mask provides a tactical advantage," I said, irritated by his naiveté. "It it imprudent to give away one's style of attack before one has calculated the gap between himself and the enemy. The covering keeps my final form hidden unless the situation demands it."

"Fuck tactics," said Hidan dismissively, as I rubbed the belt against itself. "You should keep it off. You look better that way."

I stopped. "Are you flirting with me?" I said slowly, looking over my shoulder.

Hidan rolled his eyes. "Sweet Jashin, Kakuzu. All I said was that you look less like a solemn prick without that mask of yours."

"You'd better not be flirting with me." I took the belt out of the water, wringing it before hanging it next to the towel on the rail.

"You wish, you old perv."

I picked up Hidan's pants from the floor and shook it. A dull sound arose from one of the pockets, but nothing that sounded remotely like money. Hidan had been right. He really was flat broke.

"Hey, hey! Careful with that," said Hidan, "my bible is in there!"

I fished in the pockets for the book in question, placing it on the counter away from the sink. Then, I lowered the pants into the basin, soaking it in water before scrubbing it on itself, getting rid of the stains. "Just shut up and bath."

"Moving my body makes me wanna puke," griped Hidan.

"Better than moving your mouth." I slung the pants on the rail.

"Yeah, whatever. I'm done." Hidan placed his hand on the side of the bath and attempted to lift himself. He stood up unsteadily, before losing his balance and landing in the bath again with a splash, spattering the foot of my robes with water. "Fuck it! Kakuzu..."

Pathetic. My eyebrows twitched as I moved over to the bath, pulling out the plug. The bath drained, leaving Hidan covered in bubbles. I yanked the towel from the rail and threw it at him.

"Sort yourself out."

"Whatever." Hidan pulled the towel off his stomach and rubbed it over his body, drying off the foam. He made a sound of discomfort as he towelled his hair, mussing it as he went. I watched him, silently noting that his previous thinking about Kisame had worked.

Hidan finished drying himself, and stood up again, swaying slightly as he steadied himself against the wall. "Fucking hell," he muttered, "This room won't give me a fucking break..." He turned and was about to step out of the bath before he noticed me watching him.

"What the hell are you staring at?" he grumbled, as he aimed a foot forward outside the tub - and missed. Hidan, having misjudged the distance between the the tub and the tiles, and overestimated his sense of balance, tripped over the tub and staggered forward. His arms flailed wildly as I caught him, easily lifting him clean off the floor. "Shit, Kakuzu! Let me down you bastard!"

"I intend to," I carried Hidan out of the bathroom, bypassing the side of the bed he had vomited on, and lowered him on the other side. Hidan looked around himself.

"Fuck you, Kakuzu!" he protested. "Put me on the bed!"

"You drank yourself into your current predicament out of spite. _I'm _the one who had to pay your bill and this room. _I'm_ the one who had to drag your sorry ass here and clean up _your_ mess," I said slowly. "You're in no position to yell at me."

"Come on, it's fucking cold and hard here on the floor," whined Hidan, as I crossed the room to the cupboard, retrieving his cloak and handing it to him.

"Stop whining and cover yourself."

Hidan shot me a sideways glance. "What, too sexy?" he said, managing, with great difficulty, to slide himself inside his cloak. His words, though spoken in jest, took me by surprise.

"So you don't catch a cold," I said eventually. I turned away, moving my briefcase to the head of the bed before pushing the blankets aside and laying down, with my briefcase as a pillow.

"Kakuzu! You fucking prick! Put me on the bed!" Hidan's angry voice emanated from the floor as I made myself comfortable between the sheets.

I sighed deeply and closed my eyes.

______________

**Notes**

* A reference to Shakespeare, because the Kakuzu in my head is rather partial to his works.

**_____________  
**

**End of Chapter Six**


	7. Chapter Seven: Defeat

**Chapter Seven: Defeat**

_Hidan_

Fuck. I can't get up. My head is killing me and the room is fucking spinning.

I bit my lip as I shivered. The weird-ass fever was gone, leaving my body cold - and laying on the floor in nothing but my Akatsuki cloak made things even worse. I looked around. To my left, there's a wall, blank except for a wood-framed window that let in the moonlight. To my right, a bed, on top of which was my asshole of a partner, who was ignoring me after dumping me on the ground.

Kakuzu. The mere thought of the stitch-covered bastard made my blood run quicker in agitation. Who the hell did he think he was?

I always knew he would attack me. I knew how to get him riled up, and despite his restraint, I could tell that it was only a matter of time before he would snap and try to kill me again. And in a way, I had been looking forward to it. I had wanted a good spar with the man who was worthy to be my superior and partner in destruction. It just didn't make sense that he would do it straight after getting his bounty - there was nothing to push him over the edge.

Tch. And there I was, thinking I'd had him all figured out.

I was a goddamned mess, and it was all his fault. My head spun and the unfinished fight still lingered on my conscience. Sure, I'd already prayed for forgiveness. And I was relieved not to experience the pain of an utter defeat. But the way Kakuzu had flung me aside so casually, and walked away...the fucker. It was like I wasn't worth his time.

When I'd finally found him in the middle of fucking nowhere, he was drinking. As if it were perfectly normal to drink alone, the son of a bitch. I clenched my teeth, remembering the inexplicable disorientation that had washed over me, the heat that rose while I watched him drink. How _good_ he looked, piercing eyes and perfect stitches, slightly flustered with wine as he peered at me over the candle flame. The lunging. The falling...

I groaned as the memory of the bath came flooding back to me, filling my slowly clearing head with the way Kakuzu undressed me and watched me as I lay in the bath, helpless. The way he had dismissed my arousal and filled the bath. How carefully he had placed my bible on the counter before washing my pants with his hands. And dumping me on the floor like this...god.

Jashin-sama was probably fucking displeased with the way I was sprawled here, hair a mess and naked underneath my robe, too fucked up to read scripture, or even put together a prayer. I closed my eyes and reached up to the pendant at my breast, clutching it in my hand as I thought of forgiveness.

I lay like this for a while, not even close to falling asleep, until a series of soft snoring sounded from the bed. I was filled with jealousy at the thought of how comfortable he was while I lay here, cold and stiff and awake. Fucking bastard. There was no way I would be able to sleep like this. These flimsy Akatsuki cloaks were made for show; they did fuck-all to ward off the chill.

I opened my eyes in the darkness. The room seemed to be spinning slower now. Goddamn it, I wanted to be in a bed - and the only one available was occupied by Kakuzu, the selfish prick. But this was no time to be picky - I couldn't stand being on the floor anymore.

I was probably going to regret this, but whatever. Slowly, I pulled myself from the floor, steadying myself against the ground, and stood up. My body was still unsteady, but with slow, deliberate steps I was able go around the bed to the other side, where a small space lay between Kakuzu and the bed's edge. He was still snoring as I sat on the bed, positioning myself carefully so as not to wake him. I stretched out to the full length of my body, pressing lightly against his sleeping form.

Now this was more like it. I'd get off the bed before he woke up in the morning...

I fell asleep against the soft motion of Kakuzu's rhythmic breathing.

_________________

The next morning, Kakuzu was unusually quiet as we set off toward Lightning Country's border. We walked, staying true to our north-eastern path. After a while, the trees disappeared to reveal a wide, flat plain, empty except for the few rocks scattered across its surface. I looked around disinterestedly.

"Hey, Kakuzu. This looks like bumfuck nowhere. Are you sure you know where we're going?"

"Just walk, Hidan!"

I tutted, slightly taken aback by Kakuzu's aggressiveness. "Jashin, what's the matter with you? You don't see me sulking about sinning or sleeping on the floor."

He stopped.

"What now?" I turned around, annoyed. Kakuzu stood, bright red and green eyes burning into me with the intensity of his glare.

"Last night," he began menacingly, "you were so drunk you could barely stand. Falling, throwing up over yourself like a helpless idiot. I had to carry you," his eyes narrowed. "Just like a baby. You couldn't even undress yourself. _I _had to wash your clothes so that you didn't smell like a fucking distillery. _I_ had to drag you out of the bath. Forget Jashin. Last night, _I_ was your god. You were pathetic. _Now_ do you see why I'm angry?"

Kakuzu? _My_ god?

"You cocksucker," I hissed. "I didn't need your help. How about you mind your own fucking business for once?"

"Says the man who tracked me down and insisted that he'd drink me under the table."

"Fuck you!" I shouted angrily, "You were the one who left - "

"Hidan." Kakuzu said suddenly. I sensed it, springing to his side as three strangers approached us from afar. The one to the right, a lean, dark-skinned man with pink hair carrying a sword, waved to us.

"Hey there!" he called out. "How far to the next village?"

I walked forward to meet them. To the right of the pink-haired idiot was some tart with a brown ponytail tied up in ribbons and a kid in a black bowl cut. The symbol on their forehead protectors were clear enough.

"Cloud nin?" My mood was foul. The woman stepped out.

"Yeah, we just wanna get to the nearest village as soon as possible," the pink-haired guy scratched his head, "but we - "

The woman held up a hand and silenced him. She started surveying me from head to toe, annoying me even further. Now that was just asking for a fight.

"What are you staring at, bitch?" I snapped. The woman smirked.

"I recognise your face," she said smugly, "You're Hidan, the missing-nin from Hot Water."

"That famous, eh?" I gave a sarcastic laugh.

"You're wanted in my village's bingo book as an international criminal," said the woman. "As a bounty hunter, I intend to bring you to them."

I sized up the two shinobi flanking her sides. The pink-haired idiot was already preparing to draw his sickle-shaped sword, and the kid with the black hair was shaking so much he could barely stand. I snorted.

"You and whose army?" I said. "Don't tell me you're going to take me down with your boy-toys?"

The woman's smile widened.

"We'll split your bounty after we get it," she said, pleased with herself. "You're worth quite a lot of cash..."

Now _this _made me angry. Materialistic bitch. My life was for carrying out Jashin-sama's will, and even if I could die, I would never let it be for her monetary gain!

"You're just like my partner, trading lives for money." My eyes darkened as I reached towards my back for my scythe. "You greedy bitch. God will smite assholes like you!"

"Tetsuya!" said the woman suddenly.

"Got it!" shouted the the idiot with the sword, leaping out in front of her and dashing towards me. I charged forwards at full speed, scythe in tow.

"Don't underestimate them," said Kakuzu calmly behind me, further fueling my rage. I could do this without his fucking annoying interfering. "You'll get killed."

"You know what, Kakuzu?" I snarled, running towards Tetsuya, "Stay the fuck out of this! I can handle these pussies by myself!" I dashed head-on, bracing myself to draw blood.

"Be careful, Tetsuya, he's immortal!" warned the woman.

Tetsuya nodded as his sword met my scythe with a clang, and he sprang back, readying himself for another attack. Without giving him an opening, I aimed at him and hurled my scythe in the air with all my might before using my cables to send it crashing to the ground. Tetsuya jumped aside, dodging, and sent four shuriken speeding towards me, timed so I could not deflect them with my body alone. Fucking child's play.

I yanked my cables in front of the offending shuriken, throwing all three to the ground as I hoisted myself upside-down in the air. Tetsuya formed a few hand-seals while I sent my scythe hurtling in his direction once again, passing him on purpose so I could catch him while I reigned it in.

A blue flicker shot from the tip of Tetsuya's blade just as my scythe pierced his shoulder, digging into his thin clothing to draw blood from the wound before zipping back to where I stood. Tetsuya spat in displeasure at the injury and held up his chakra-enhanced sword, looking determined.

Heh. It didn't matter what trick he had up his sleeve now - I was going to crush him. I passed the blades of my scythe between my lips, savouring the metallic taste of Tetsuya's blood with a sinister grin.

"I've been looking forward to this all day," I breathed in a low voice, eyes manic in anticipation as I drew the pike inside my robe. "Now, to set everything up..." The smug bitch and her lackey were watching me, her in thought and him still cowering in fear. Out the corner of my eye, Kakuzu was watching me too, impassive. Fuck him. I was going to show him what it was to carry the full splendour of Jashin!

I plunged the pike deep into my left hand. Pain shot through my arm from the wound and my breathing quickened in excitement. I held out my hand, letting the blood drip to the ground in crimson splatters, and used it to smear a circle around me with my feet.

"Tetsuya, watch out for that circle he's drawing on the ground!" shouted the woman. "It looks like a trap!"

"I know!" roared Tetsuya, coming again with his chakra sword, aiming for my neck. Sweet Jashin, this guy cuts straight to the chase. I chuckled, finally completing Jashin's symbol in blood.

I could feel myself changing, feel the invigorating tingle as my body was linked to his. I was black and white, marked like a fucking messenger of death. "I'll start the ceremony, shall I?" Come at me, you little fucker. I _dare_ you.

I waited until he was almost within my reach before stabbing my pike straight through my right arm, past the bone so that the tip of the pike jutted grossly out the other side. I moaned at the piercing pain, knowing that this was what Tetsuya was feeling at this moment, too.

"Ugh!" Tetsuya dropped his sword, doubling over at the pain. "What..." he looked in horror as blood gushed from his arm, spilling to the ground. He looked up. I grinned at his anguish.

"You're already under my curse," I told him, pulling the pike out of my arm with a rough flourish. Tetsuya's face contorted in pain.

"How...how did you..." he struggled as he picked up his sword with his other hand. I cackled in glee at how pathetic he was, grovelling before me like the godless worm he was.

"Hurts, doesn't it?"

"Tetsuya!" screamed the boy at the woman's side.

"God, I'd love to savour your anguish," I taunted, slowly bringing the pike to my chest. "But I've got your friends to take care of, too. So I guess I'll just end this now..." I braced myself for the pure ecstasy of living through Tetsuya's death -

"Doton: Doshakuzure*!" yelled the woman, running towards me, forming hand seals before thick brown mud sprayed from her mouth in my direction. Heh. Futile.

I raised the pike, aiming it for my heart, before the squelching of mud between my toes caught my attention. I looked down.

My skin was fading back to fleshtone. What? How...how the fuck had that bitch managed to undo my curse?

"That woman thinks fast," commented Kakuzu.

And then I saw it. Mud pooled everywhere around me, covering the ground at my feet with dark brown sludge. My symbol had been erased. That - that bitch!

"I'm going to slash you to pieces, you cunt!" I screamed, charging at the woman, pike raised to kill.

"Sadato!" shouted the woman, dodging my attack. The boy accompanying her nodded and steeled himself with a deep breath, raising his hands to form seals.

"H - hey you!" Sadato called out weakly. I tossed a careless glance in his direction.

Sadato stared straight into my eyes, and for a moment I stalled at their intensity. But what was the worst this pussy could do? I decided to ignore the him, turning my attention back to -

"Keigoku Fuzui*!"

My body stopped dead in its tracks. All of a sudden, it wasn't responding to my will. An overwhelming loss of control overcame me as I stood, trying in vain to move my limbs. Shit!

"Nice one, Sadato!" yelled Tetsuya triumphantly.

I couldn't even move my mouth. That cursed brat! A genjutsu?!

"All right," said the woman, smirking, as she reached back and pulled the ribbon from her ponytail. "This is perfect. I'll just deliver you to the Cloud bounty office in pieces."

"P - please hurry, Tsubame-san," said Sadato, screwing his face up in concentration, "I - don't think I can keep this up much longer..."

"Heh," said the woman, stepping closer. "Forty million ryo...here we come..."

"He's worth more on the black market." a low voice sounded behind me matter-of-factly. What the fuck? My heart sped in panic. Fuck you, Kakuzu, don't just fucking stand there, do something!

"Even better!" shouted the woman, throwing her ribbon in the air and forming seals at lightning speed, splitting the ribbon into tens of smaller ones, each glowing with orange chakra. "Ninpo: Zansatsu Senpu*!"

_Help me, you bastard!_

The ribbons sped toward me in a flurry of colour, dancing, stiff as blades as they cut into me. My cloak shredded to pieces in front of my eyes. White-hot pain seared through my body as I felt my arms and legs disconnect from my trunk, causing my vision to tilt wildly as I toppled to the ground like a ragdoll. It was getting hard to tell where I was being hacked to fucking pieces...my body was on fire.

_I_ was on fire.

The world around me was horizontal, and all I could see now was mud, blood, ribbons, and the corner of an Akatsuki cloak. Something sliced at my cheek, and I inwardly screamed at the pain as it cut clean across my face. My head lightened sickeningly as it was relieved of my lower jaw...

The ribbons stopped flying.

Everything was blurring now. The red sky faded to blue as the blood settled and the ribbons cleared. I was light-headed, numbing to the intense pain in the lower half of my face. Man, I don't believe this. I'm fucked.

"Good work, everyone," a faraway female voice said happily, "Alright, let's pick up his body and get out of here."

A dark figure stepped into my field of vision. Kakuzu?

"So naive." His voice sounded, deep and familiar. "You're fighting me, now..." It was probably just me hearing things in this fucked-up state, but did Kakuzu sound...angry? His hazy figure unzipped his cloak deliberately, and turned around. The four pale faces on his stitch-ridden back registered faintly in my mind. Masks.

"Sadato, Tetsuya, get ready!" yelled the female voice.

The faces stirred. "You're not getting away," growled Kakuzu dangerously, as he arched his back. "Hidan is..." The masks jerked more violently now, threatening to break free of their stitches.

"...Worth a lot to me!" he roared, and the masks burst from his back, leaping out as four massive black clusters of thread.

I struggled to remain conscious as everything started fading to black.

_You son of a bitch...it's too late now..._

The last thing that flashed before my eyes was Kakuzu standing against the enemy, stiff with rage, flanked on each side with his four masked monsters.

__________

**Glossary**

Doshakuzure - Landslide

Keigoku Fuzui – Prison Paralysis

Zansatsu Senpu - Massacring Whirlwind

__________

**End of Chapter 7**


	8. Chapter Eight: A Bedside Tale

**Chapter Eight: A Bedside Tale**

_Hidan_

The sound of wind rattling against glass woke me from the darkness. I was laying on something soft.

I'm alive.

I'm still alive, but something - everything - felt wrong. Instead of the rest of my body, there was only a raw, stabbing ache where my jaw should have been.

Pale light streamed through my eyelids, making me open then in discomfort. It was night. I was laying on a bed in some kind of room, moonlight shining brightly through the window. Where the hell was I? Was the battle over?

And then I saw myself.

If I still had a jaw, I would have laughed at the shock.

An arm. A finger. A foot, nails painted in green polish. _You've gotta be kidding me_. My body was scattered in pieces.

A shadow loomed over my face, bent over the bed. Who - ?

I looked up to see brown-black hair hanging overhead, the piercing green eyes amidst them gazing at me. Relief washed through my mind.

It was Kakuzu, tall form knelt beside the bed. He wasn't wearing his cloak or his mask. Rather, he was dressed in his vest, hair stringy and mussed as it fell over his shoulder and his face. He looked solemn and exhausted, lips set in a thin line along the slit across his face. I'd never been good at reading expressions, but at the moment he looked almost...anxious. Seeing me open my eyes seemed to make him relax slightly.

"You're conscious."

I wanted to say to him, _No Shit_, but nothing came out except for another burst of dizzying pain. This was ridiculous. I could not even reply.

I stared at him balefully. Well shit, I'm alive, but there was nothing I could do in this state. I was useless.

Was this really Jashin's plan for me? Destined to survive like an invalid, living but dead, unable to carry his will or his commandments. Scattered in pieces like the worst fucking jigsaw puzzle ever.

"I told you not to be careless," he said, looking into my face - if it could be called that anymore. Yeah, go on, you old asshole. Rub it in.

I wouldn't even be any use to you now. What could you do with me? Run around with me in a bag or something? You could use my body parts as spares. Maybe even feed me to Zetsu.

Or, knowing you, you'd probably just leave me here, in Jashin-knows-fucking-where, and then Pain would find someone else to be your partner. Maybe you'd like him enough not to kill him and you two would get the Jinchuuriki together while I fucking rotted here in agony. Fuck you.

I hoped silently that Jashin would take pity on me right now and just fucking kill me already.

Kakuzu sighed. "This will take a while."

What the hell was he talking about? I flinched slightly as he reached out to the bed. He picked up one of my unrecognizable pieces and scanned the bed before putting it down with a piece that looked similar. He did this repeatedly, each time moving a different body part to a different side of the bed, carefully sorting the pieces into related groups. Legs, feet, toes. Shoulders, arms, knuckles. I guessed that the large bloody chunk in the center was the biggest piece left of my torso. And he placed my jaw next the top half of my face. I had no idea what he was doing, but I expected nothing less from the bastard. I already knew that he liked things organised - his books, his ledgers, and now his partner' severed body parts.

When he was finished, he inspected the bed thoroughly before picking up my left ankle and my left foot, with three toes missing from the tip. He pressed them together in his hands. A thick grey tendril made its way out from his arms, twisting and curling as though it had a life of its own. The tendril snaked to where Kakuzu was pressing my foot and ankle together, and pierced the flesh, writhing in and out of the skin as it weaved itself around the parts, joining them together.

Kakuzu held the body parts firm as he moved the arm with the thread further away, pulling the stitches tighter before the thread detached from him, waving expectantly in the air.

More relief. Maybe I wouldn't be stuck forever like this after all. Was I going to look like him after he was done with me, covered everywhere with stitches?

Wait. _You ass_, I thought to him. _Do my head first, so I can at least talk._

Kakuzu's gaze connected with my eyes, as though he had heard me. Then, he picked up a toe and used his thread to sew it back onto the foot in his hands. "You talk too much," he said pointedly. Prick.

He carried on joining each piece to their correct position, never picking up more than one at a time. And he worked attentively, with the same care that he had used when he had balanced his ledger that time at the restaurant.

Not being able to do anything else, I carried on watching him. Slowly, my legs reappeared from the scattered pieces. Kakuzu stopped whenever he reached the area where the limbs would be attached to the body, instead laying it back down on the bed and starting on another.

When both my legs were finished, Kakuzu surveyed them, placed side by side, seemingly in thought. Then, he began on my torso.

It was a lot messier than it had been with my legs. I grimaced as he held up the hunks of flesh and bone, organs clinging to them, often by only a thin sliver of membrane. It looked like my heart was still in my chest in the biggest piece of my body, but my stomach and my intestines were no longer attached to each other. Man, if I was going to puke, I would have done it with the bits being sewn together in Kakuzu's hands.

I should have known this, seeing how his own body was riddled with stitches, but it still surprised me how skillful Kakuzu was with sewing. And the way he held my organs mirrored exactly how he ate - delicately, despite his strong fingers. He carried on, building my torso back together from the top down, until he finished reattaching the smaller, right side of my pelvis.

...Oh, god. I blanched at the embarrassment of my partner about to reattach my dick and balls to my body. That was pretty much what was going to happen, right? Kakuzu seemed equally hesitant as he reached out to shuffle the piece of pelvis on which my junk was attached. He shook his head and cleared his throat, snapping himself out of before setting to work again. Ugh, this was fucking wrong. Technically, some old man I had only really known for a few days was running his hands all over my naked body right now.

After what felt like forever, Kakuzu was finally finished with the torso. He left it lying on the bed and started on my right hand, holding it carefully in his own as he attached the fingers one by one. Then he pieced on the upper arm, and lay the limb in position next to the main body.

I watched him more intently. Holy shit, I couldn't wait until he put my head and jaw back together again. Kakuzu was doing my scythe hand now, joining the missing fingers back together with the palm.

When my left arm was finished, I expected Kakuzu to put it down on the other side of the main body, like the other limbs. He didn't. I looked on, slightly surprised, as instead he rested the limb in one of his arms and pulled something out from his pocket. The thing momentarily flashed pink as it caught the moonlight.

It was my ring.

Kakuzu brows were creased in wariness as he stared, head bowed, at the arm in front of him. I saw his lips move as he said something in a voice so soft that I could barely make out what it was. The only words that stood out from his deep whisper were "you", "idiot", and "worried".

He reached out and brushed over my fingers, dragging his tanned fingertips over the newly-placed stitches, before tipping my hand up against his own. Kakuzu gently slipped my ring on, adjusting it carefully so that the gemstone faced the right way up. And I couldn't help noticing that after he did this, he left his hand in mine for slightly longer than usual.

I blinked. Kakuzu was biting his lip.

Maybe if I had a heart right now, it would be beating faster.

Fuck. I must have been hallucinating, because as soon as I focused on Kakuzu again, he was looking as stoic as ever as he began stitching my limbs back onto my trunk. Tch...at least I was going to have my body back. Kakuzu was almost done - my legs and arms were now part of my body. He took my jaw, sewing it back onto my neck. Fuck yeah, about time. I felt him grasp my head and shuffle it to my jaw.

I winced as the thread pierced into my mouth. Oh my god, this hurts so much. Even with the pain of my face severed I could feel Kakuzu's thread jabbing through my flesh. Fuck me fuck me fuck me.

"Keep still," warned Kakuzu, his thread going around the back of my head. "You'll ruin the stitchwork."

I squeezed my eyes shut from the pain as it moved from the back of my head to my mouth again.

"There." Kakuzu's tendrils disappeared back into his arm.

For a second, I felt nothing but the sting of the thread. I opened my mouth to speak.

"Hah, all - "

Then, the pain of all the sewn-on fragments of my body surged to my head at once. My mind reeled.

Everything went black.

_________________

When I came to again, Kakuzu was talking.

"Leader-sama requested our attendance while you were out," I heard him say. "Progress report meeting."

You've got to be shitting me. Here I was, agony pulsing through every fiber of my being when I did so much as breathe, and all that mattered was a progress fucking report meeting? Leader can kiss my ass. I opened my eyes.

"Lead - ungh!" Another wave of pain radiated from my jaw as I tried to speak.

"You should learn to talk less," said Kakuzu. Out the corner of my eye, I saw him sitting cross-legged on the floor beside the bed, sewing something material with his threads. I glared at him and forced a growl through my teeth.

He ignored me. "Your carelessness cost us time and money," he said, still absorbed in his stitching. "You've been unconscious for the whole day. We're already behind schedule. Pain has made it clear that if we do not reach the Jinchuuriki on time, he will dispatch another team to collect her."

_We_'_re behind schedule because of your retarded bounty hunting, you fuck_. Jashin, when I could move without passing out from the pain, I was going to -

"Deidara says hi," Kakuzu continued. Deidara? That blonde kid who's such a pussy that he'll only attack from afar? "He says he's glad I've found a partner who can't be killed." He finished off what he was stitching and stood up, folding it before placing it near my face. "Put these on when you can," he said. I looked at the black cloth, riddled with stitches. My pants, eh?

That was right, I was still stark naked. Goddamn it.

Kakuzu narrowed his eyes. "It's not the first time I've seen you naked."

I tasted iron as the blood rushed to my face, seeping into my mouth from my injuries. I couldn't believe it. How the fuck did this bastard have this kind of effect on me?

"That's right." The bastard in question reached into his pocket for something. "I meant to give you this."

He held up a tattered, leather-bound book. My Bible! I tried to reach for it, but the fucking pain kept me down.

"I found this with your body," he said. The book looked like it had seen better days, but thankfully it was still in one piece. It had been in my pocket when I got cut up - and by Jashin's grace had remained unharmed. Kakuzu sighed, looking faintly annoyed.

"It was a mere coincidence," he said dismissively, setting it down on top of my pants. Heathen. I knew he'd say that.

"How the fuck am I supposed to read in this condition?" I said through my unmoving lips.

"That's your problem."

"Come on, Kakuzu," I said, with a pained expression. "Tell me what's next in the scriptures. Pretty please?"

Kakuzu narrowed his eyes. "I thought what you wanted me to do was mind my own business, as you said earlier?"

"Well yeah," I winced, "but for fuck's sake, that's different. And it's not like I'm drunk or anything."

"I've done enough favours for you."

"I _need_ to read scripture Kakuzu, it's been 2 nights since I last did it. I can't just neglect Jashin's word, I'll go soft. I mean I've already sinned - " I stopped abruptly as Kakuzu sighed heavily and reached for the bible next to my head. He shot me a glare.

"If you don't shut up after this, I swear I'll rip your stitches apart," he warned, flipping it open at the bookmark.

I wanted to laugh. That was not something someone meant after painstakingly sewing their partner back together.

Kakuzu scanned the book's contents. "Two hearts wreak more destruction than one," he muttered, bringing his finger down the page.

"I saw yours," I said softly. "You have five..."

"Don't try bringing me into this," said Kakuzu sharply, eyes still on the book.

"I stopped off around there," I told him. He didn't reply as he read through the verses wordlessly.

"The bond of partnership," he said at length.

"Yeah, that. Tell me what it says." I already knew what it said. _The bond of of comrades-in-arms is one that is beyond price; the bond most intimately in accord with Jashin's will._ I wanted to hear it from him, hear the words come out of his mouth. Maybe if he read it, he'd accept it.

Kakuzu read the passage out aloud. "_On the importance of bonds,_" he said, and I could hear the disdain in his voice. "_The bond of blood, law and friendship is as worthless trinkets, and serve but to blind the disciple to his true purpose. Law twists character while remaining immutable. And though there may be worldly gain from these establishments, they are still a far cry from true salvation. Bonds of the flesh..._" He stopped.

"Go on."

A sigh. "_Bonds of the flesh fare likewise. Marriage serves only as a means to perpetuate the cycle of destruction through the creation of progeny, and as such, invokes Jashin's will only indirectly. The only bond that directly leads to salvation is the bond of comradeship...The bond of of comrades-in-arms is one that is beyond price; the one most intimately in accord with Jashin's will. For although one heart may destroy a clearing, two can level a forest._.."

_Jashin be praised as the ultimate authority_. That was the last line of the passage. Kakuzu eyed me, incredulous.

"Who wrote this nonsense?"

I stared right back. "Come on. Say it."

For a moment Kakuzu sat, veins visible from his temples in disgust.

Then, he tossed the bible in my face.

The book flew towards me and bounced off my head with a dull thump. Blood-red circles bloomed before my eyes, clouding the image of Kakuzu's retreating back with agony. For fuck's sake, my head -

I passed out from the pain again.

________________

**End of Chapter 8**


End file.
